It's been a good cry, ugly cry, hollow cry, and a ?!?!?!?!-that-hurt-I-need-to-cry kinda week.
This whole week I've battled with feeling lonely. I know that I'm not lonely, but I have definitely been tempted to believe I am, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.... all of which have led to tears and snot and toilet paper until Brett brought me kleenexes so we are not wasting our toilet paper.
I also cried today when I fell down our beautiful hipster-looking spiral staircase. I learned, as many hipsters probably know, that things can look pretty but really hurt sometimes. Like tight jeans when you've had them on too long. Eesh.
A few nights ago I cried watching October Sky. This movie is probably one of the only movies that knows how to make my bodily fluid flow out my eyes best. I break down. EVERY TIME. So I placed it in the DVD player, knowing what flood was coming. Three fourths of the movie had gone by when Brett joined me on the couch to watch the end. Brett wrapped his arms around me and we watched as Homer's dad finally shows up to support and celebrate his son and help him launch the last rocket. It's that point in the movie when you just want to reach through the screen and sob into Jake Gyllenhal's old school checkered shirt and beg him not to star in some really ridiculous movies in the future. If only he could stick to the good ones like this.
I, of course, am bawling by the end. The ugly cry for sure---- I was sobbing, for Homer Hiccum and his father. Because a relationship that was broken and filled with hurt and regret, was restored. The more I've thought about this particular restoration, of a father son relationship restored, the more I see why the depths of my soul cling to the hope it offers. This restoration, this hope-- it is my own story. I emotionally rejoice in a relationship restored because when it comes to the end of my life, when the credits begin to roll, rockets take off, and I hear others applauding... I will get to celebrate that it is I who have been restored. My relationship with my First Love--- my Creator and Savior has been made right. I cried out of joy because restoration begins now for me, and it has made my journey all the sweeter. Such a sweet glimpse of the restoration journey.
On a lighter note, Brett mistook my sobs for laughter and started laughing at me when he realized my ridiculous shaking was an outburst of tears. After I got onto him for laughing at me, he apologized profusely while STILL laughing. But the beauty of that moment, like so many, is that we both ended up cuddled up tickling and laughing until we were BOTH crying and getting an ab workout better than Jillian Michaels. Here's to two good cries in one night, and ultimate restoration that goes beyond loneliness, brokeness, and devilish staircases.