When I wrote this list in 2014-- we were into year 2 of our marriage. I'm excited to finally be compiling a 100 list of things about us for 2016... because, well, a lot has changed. I'd say 75% of this list is still accurate though! 

1.We are at Starbucks right now, which is rare, because we are local-only-coffee-shop-goers. 

2. I'm drinking a vanilla latte. But I LOVE Lavender Lattes. 

3.I have 24 stars to go till Gold Level. That's a lot of stars. And a lot of coffee. There will be no gold level. 

4. I'm sweating caffeine just thinking about trying to drink that much coffee.

5. Design Jamboree is so named because I love to Design and I think it's a lot of fun--- almost like a celebration, a Jamboree. 

6. The dream of having a website and a small business wouldn't be possible without Brett's encouragement. 

7. I read an article this morning written by a European lady who was baffled by college students in America who wear Chacos all the time--- she considered them ugly.

8. I own and love my pair of beautiful Chacos... 

9. My Pandora is usually set to Kacey Musgrave, Edith Piaf, or Justin Bieber. Ya know, the usual.

10. Why isn't eggnog a year round drink? Can we vote for it to be?

11. The hardest conversation I ever had with Brett, was when I confessed to him that I thought he needed to wash his hair more.

12. He laughed when I told him and took it like a champ.

13. He also washes his hair more often these days. PTL.

14. I've traveled to Brazil, Nepal, The Netherlands, Canada, Mexico, and California (it's its own country believe me).

15. Every time I meet a "Stacie" I ask her what her middle name is and 99.9% of the time, her middle name is "Lynne" too, just spelled differently.

16. My sister lives in Amsterdam.

17. My brother and sister-in-law live in London.

18. Brett lives with me, in Lubbock. Go figure.

19. Brett wears his wedding band on his right hand cause it's too big for his left.

20. Brett's extended family gathers for Thanksgiving every year. Which really means, Brett's extended family makes lots of authentic southern comfort food I get to eat too much of every year.

21. Brett's been to 11 countries. My boo he so culturrrred.

22. He also knows two ancient languages. That's two more than I know.

23. Brett is the ancient literature scholar equivalent to Einstein.

24. He listens to The Piano Film Score Pandora station too...which makes me think we should get a Steinway.

25. Brett was in a band called A September Renaissance when he was in high school. I tried to listen to their album once. I think he moved on to better things. 

26. Brett also wears Chacos. Like a boss.

27. Brett's Chaco's smell horrific though.

28. Brett enjoys playing ultimate frisbee.

29. I enjoy throwing the frisbee... for funnzies... with zero ultimate competitive components.

30. Brett has a goal to ride every major metro system in the world.

31. I have a goal to get coffee with Jimmy Fallon one day.

32. Brett lost a cap to his tooth once.

33. He never replaced that cap, but he's one of the most responsive people I know.

34. One of my professors once explained to my class the importance of remembering because all too often we forget the beautiful things about this life. One of the last things she ever wrote to me before I graduated communicated love so strongly to me, "I will remember you."

35. Brett's two favorite alcoholic beverages are Young's Double Chocolate Stout (it's like a chocolate milkshake for beer lovers) and Sam Smith's Oatmeal Stout.

36. When I pray I experience an unexplainable hope and peace.

37. I asked for Caso in California one time and the server brought out a plate with a small pile of melted cheese on it. That's the day I realized what TexMex really is and what California Caso wasn't.

38. Next to Chacos, I believe Birkenstocks are the shoes of tomorrow.

39. Elizabethtown is my favorite movie.

40. I don't think Orlando Bloom was really all that great in Elizabethtown, but Kirsten Dunst was stellar.

41. I saw Kirsten Dunst once at Santa Monica Beach, but didn't realize it was her until my chance to say "Hi" had passed. DANGIT.

42. About Time is one of the best romantic movies I've seen in awhile. I secretly think Brett goes into small spaces to change time because he lives an awkward life. 

43. Did you know there's an old school movie called "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" with Danny Kay?

44. Me neither.

45. I wonder what weddings would do without Pinterest these days?

46. Books I think everyone should read in their lifetime are: I Married Adventure by Luci Swindoll and  the entirety  of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

47. One of my biggest fears is getting walked in on by accident in a public restroom.

48. I crave vulnerability but it can be hard to go knock on my neighbors door and ask them to come over for coffee. 

49. When I look at you, I visually see your name in 3D written across your body... because I'm a visual learner.

50. Words can be life and death for me. Mainly life.

51. I used to go on ski trips with my church in high school every winter. I hated skiing so I just went for the Colorado coffee shops and snow ball fights. Have you caught on yet that coffee shops are the total shiz to me?

52. I met Tony Hawk on one of those ski trips.

53. I have a really great Ryan Gosling story. Ask me about it.

54. Modern Family is where it's at.

55. So is Downton Abbey.

56. And Sherlock.

57. I used to watch The Bachelor in my Hall Director's apartment every Monday night two years ago... he made a bracket for it, just like basketball. I don't think anybody's bracket got very far BECAUSE REALITY TV RUINS ALL MY HOPES AND DREAMS.

58. Ironically, I think it would be fun to be on a reality show... probably Fear Factor. Oh wait, that's not on anymore? Phew....

59. Brett loves making stuffed french toast with cream cheese sauce and fruit.

60. I love eating his stuffed french toast with cream cheese sauce and fruit.

61. I keep UNO cards in my purse just in case I need to have emergency fun.

62. I played Captain Hook in Peter Pan once...

63. They made me chop off my hand to wear my Captain's hook.

64. I liked how the hook looked, so I just left it there.

65. Writing a blog has been such a beautiful challenge.... while wearing a hook.

66. I will probably die from eating too much movie theatre popcorn or too much cheese.

67. I don't really have a hook. I have two hands.

68. The first time I ever had a pedicure for prom I kicked the pedicure lady in the face on accident because whatever she was doing tickled A LOT.

69. I know how to operate theme park attractions (aka roller coasters).

70. That really just means I know how to press a green light and give a thumbs up.

71. Our friends Matt and Kelsey came over to watch The Sound of Music Live with Carrie Underwood and we decided her name should be changed to "Carrie NUNderwood."

72. I believe it is wise and good to reflect on life in order to make change, grow, and move forward.

73. JK Rowling's Harvard commencement speech changed my life AND made me cry AND inspired me to fail well in life. TED TALK IT NOW.

74. Yesterday I was hanging out with one of my bosses, Eugene, and he said something I really liked. It went something like, "When you lose, make sure you don't lose the lesson." As in, you WILL fail, but positive learning and growth is produced from failure.

75. I really enjoy interior decorating and fashion and sometimes wish I would have pursued those things.

76. I sometimes still think about pursuing interior decorating and fashion. Who needs one calling? I'll take a million different callings.

77. When I started dating Brett he really taught me how to love-not-judge people just by how he lived his life.

78. My sophomore year of college my brother flew out to California and took a two day road trip with me up the Pacific Coastal Highway. That's one of my favorite memories with him.

79. I am grateful my husband shows emotion in front of me. I love that his tears usually fall when he hurts for me or is talking about how much he loves me.

80. Shoooo

81. Whapppp

82. Bahhh

83. Doooooo

84. Beeeee

85. Doooooo

86. I am grateful for the sheer amount of adventures I've been given the opportunity to go on in my lifetime.

87. I usually start my mornings off journaling and reading because it gives me time to decide who I want to be that day.

88. Sometimes I wonder if I would have the same personality, character, and interests if I were born 300 years ago. Have you ever thought that?

89. My parents fell in love in Mexico at a point in in their lives when they least expected it.

90. Last year I took a Biblical Counseling course and it completely rocked my world and how I interact with others. 

91. I started my business two years ago and went full time this year. 

92. I secretly hated overnight church lock-ins or sleepovers because I really just love a good nights sleep.

93. I am sometimes still scared when I flush the toilet that toilet will somehow, in a Space Jam sort of way, suck me down into the pipes.

94. One of my favorite memories was watching my Grandma get married after my Grandpa died to a nice 80 year old guy named Al.

95. My friend Julia taught me my sewing machine is my friend, not my enemy, no matter how angry it makes me sometimes.

96. Mindy, Amy, and Tina are all crazy. But they're all crazy winners in my book. 

97. Shit happens. 

98. No game makes me LOL better than Quelf.

99. Have I mentioned I absolutely hated one direction unil last year when I binge watched all their auditions and music videos and now I'm a Belieber. I mean, I like One Direction 

100. Thank you, for being a part of the 100 posts and beautiful moments in my life. Thank you for loving and encouraging me by reading what I write about our lives. We are the Stines, and these are our ways.

***Wedding and Engagement Photos taken by Michaela Ramler Photography

All other photos taken by Stacie at Design Jamboree or her sexy husband, Brett. 

In case you missed Part 1 of this series, check it out here.

3. "That's so not #Authentic" is so not in my vocabulary.

Two months ago, I feel like I finally found a groove and visual flow for my 'Gram---AFTER TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR SO LONG. It began to grow and I began to connect with some really cool people. My pictures began to showcase the artistic side of me, the side I'm discovering and cultivating on a day to day basis. The part of me that's been there all along-- I just wasn't showcasing my art, design, projects, and self the way the instagram world was excited to see it. And honestly when looking at my instagram, I wasn't really excited over my top 6 pictures either. Why would my target audience want to follow me if I didn't even think my feed was super great? 

But Colorful walls, cute outfits, watercolor handwriting, and fresh flowers. Those are all things I love to show the world. They are all things that are truthfully consistent in my life. They are all things I enjoy curating pictures of--- and guess what? My pictures are all things my followers and future clients enjoy seeing. "Win Win" as Michael Scott would say. And "WIn" as Pam would say. 

Even with a visual flow, I hear the complaint (SO OFTEN) that pretty Instagram feeds don't actually reflect their owners' real life. It's not #liveauthentic. I hear ya. I love presenting myself authentically. But sometimes I have to treat myself as a business and market my instagram as a business. Once I came to terms with this idea, it really helped me make my instagram great.

Here's what I've found: Visually, you put down what you want to put down---  I agree, we all like a good dose of real life every now and then--- and I think I've found a good balance of (1) pretty pictures and (2) authenticity by what I write under the picture. 

When I focus on relating to my friends, clients, and future clients by being honest about life's joys and shits, I feel purpose behind my picture collection. I think it's not just important, but essential, to share how much fun I had at coffee with a friend, or how sad I am this season, or what I'm learning about growing my small business. I'm more focused on connecting and relating than outdoing others with my pretty feed, because that's how Stacie in real-life is. She's for others. She wants to connect and encourage them. She wants to relate in the beauty and the grime. 

4. I Host Shameless Photo Sessions with my Girl-fraaaans

Who doesn't like having a few cute pictures of themselves on their phone for a rainy day? Maybe one of your gal pals needs new head shots for a resume or an updated profile picture for her dating profile.

A phone photoshoot is a win for you and your friend. Most of the sessions I've had with friends are fun, laugh-filled, and full of good conversations in between takes. It's a good excuse to get some cute pictures of someone else--- a way to visually celebrate them.

I really appreciate taking pictures of my friends for how it impacts my followers. I've always had a heart for young women and the journey they find themselves on--- I aspire to be a role model to teenagers or girls in college, and I think one of the best ways to do that is by showing them I have and need community. Showing them the importance of celebrating the lives of my friends.

Recently I started doing a #meetmyfriends series and I've really enjoyed showcasing what I love about their characters, style, or dreams. This has been SO lifegiving for me especially since Instagram feels like a platform for comparison. This is my favorite way to rise above the shadow side.

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. The VERY HUGE importance of Hashtagging, Instagram Challenges, and Direct Message Etiquette

• Holy Hashtag, Batman?! 

Researching hashtags is really key. I've really had to reach outside typical hashtags to connect with my followers. Y'all, it's SO worth taking the time to find hashtags that connect you with your followers or people who can relate to or enjoy your feed. 

Are you trying to reach a certain city? Culture? Club? How about Small Businesses or Brides? Type in a hashtag to see how many people are using it. If it's too popular, your picture might get lost in the flow. If it's not popular enough, your picture might never be seen. 

Here's a great example of hashtag culture: My friend Danielle just got involved in the "Currently Reading" culture on Instagram. I'd never heard of it, but there are a ton of 'Grammers out there who love sharing and discussing what they're reading with each other. They are connecting. They are celebrating books and their love to read. They use specific hashtags to do that. Go get 'em you book readers!

For my own business I could try searching the popularity of a hashtag--- Maybe other Lubbock Entrepreneurs are hashtagging themselves and I hope to connect with a few who need logo designs-- I start by hashtagging one of my logo designs with #lubbockentrepreneur. First, I could try researching #lubbockentrepreneurs to find out if that's a viable hashtag. Or even #texasentrepreneurs if I want to find a larger audience. There are endless possibilites, you just have to take the time to find them. :) 

• Participate in Insta Challenges

Find a few insta-heroes you love and participate in their weekly challenges or brand hashtags. The best example I can give, although their Insta is SO popular it's difficult to be noticed, is Elise and Emma's A Beautiful Mess Instagram--- and all their brilliantly crafted hashtags #Abmtravelbug #abmstyle #abmlifeissweet. Participating in those hashtags has not only given me a network of fun creatives to follow, but they've also led other creatives to my instagram. Participating in those kinds of challenges or creating your own also leads to reposts and features on other people's instagrams-- getting featured on someone else's instagram is one of the best ways to gain more followers. It's best, etiquette-wise, not to ask via Direct Messages for features. There are certain instagrams made for features, go ahead and message them, but the best way to annoy those in your industry is to ask them to feature you. Don't do it. 

• Direct Messaging

>> Clients DM me to work with me. That's what DM is for! 

>> If I ever DM someone else or one of my Insta-heroes, it's to ask them questions, thank them for their impact on my creativity, or ask for advice. No ulterior motives. Sometimes they graciously take time to reply. Sometimes they're too busy, and I don't blame them for not answering.

I DEFINITELY never ask anyone to feature me. I think it's important to network without asking for handouts. To me, asking someone for a feature on their instagram is like Michael Scott always thinking he needs a microphone in his hand when he's in public. He's the LAST person who needs a microphone in his hand. He embarrasses himself when he reaches for the mic. And you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of people you might collaborate with or work alongside one day, do you? Work hard on your 'gram and other people will begin asking you if they can feature you on THEIR instagram. Woo! Woo!

6. Bonus Step!

Have an Instagram Husband? Or an Insta Bestie/Roomie? Or maybe an Insta Stranger at the Coffee Shop Who Seemed Nice and not too Judgmental? Use all of them when they are available to take pictures of you. It'll become normal. After awhile you'll forget they're quietly judging you--- I mean, supporting your dream. Lord bless my husband for taking so many pictures of me or helping me with my photoshoots, but he could tell you now it's worth it because that's how I'm getting clients. I think that makes him BEYOND okay with my picture-nagging. 

Those are my tips for now! I'm sure in a few months I'll have learned a bajillion other tid-bits I'll want to share! Or maybe I'll look back and think these were puny tips in comparison to the even bigger ones I'm learning two years from now! Who knows!? 

I'd still love to hear your thoughts and ideas. What's working for you? What's not working for you? What instagram goals have you made for this year? How do you want to grow?

Are you wanting to connect with more genuinely interested followers on Instagram?

Me too. Always. 

In the past month, my Instagram has gained 100 followers after a year long stand-still. And it's still growing by about 3 followers a day. For some, 3 followers a day is puny, ridiculous, and not impressive.

For a girl who's wanting to connect, create, and make a live'n--- those numbers are gold!!! Half my sales and client network come from Instagram, so it's important to me that I'm learning how to continue to grow my following.

As a business owner, it can be easy to allow Instagram's shadow side to keep me from reaching out to future clients and followers---

What's the shadow side of Instagram? 

For me, it's scrolling through all the brilliant creatives feeds I follow with an ungrateful attitude for where I'm at with my business and life--- which leads to jealous comparisons; it can be a direct reminder of how many West Elm pieces I want but can't afford; it can lead to discouragement in numbers or progress, frustration with lack of funds, and even self-loathing. At times, it's made me question my own business or blog endeavors in all of the worst ways:

"They do what I do but they're so much better at it and make way more money-- how the heck?!"

"My collection will never look like theirs."

"Did that person just make fun of me in the comment section of my own picture?"

"Did that random person comment on my photo because they genuinely thought it was awesome or because they just want me to check out and follow their feed?"

Here's my refreshing and life-giving motto after 5 years of being on both the fun/authentic side and the phony/likes-for-follows side: 

Instagram is a joy when I make it my jam.

Girlfriend, I think we all know this ^^ by now. Make it a personal shindig and do it for you.

But I think we all need kind reminders and ideas for how to own it and make it ours.

That's why you're reading this. 

The secrets I'm going to share with you in this two part series are not necessarily to help you gain followers, although I think you will see results in that area if you follow these steps.

The secrets I'm sharing with you are the secrets to letting go, planning ahead, brainstorming your ideas, and implementing your dream feed in real life. 

Here are a few ways I've stepped up my Insta-JAM:

1. My Tripod and I? #Besties

This one really counts for fashion bloggers and creative-preneurs like myself who dabble in photography and design. I don't pay someone to show up at my front door every morning and take a picture of my outfit, because I don't get gussied up every day and I don't have that kind of moolah.

 I've learned to take my own pictures, in my backyard, living room, and elsewhere. And y'all, my tripod selfies look really good and have challenged me to get outside of my creative comfort zone when it comes to location!

I've had to teach myself to stop judging myself for taking pictures alone in front of a colorful wall across from the Wendy's drive-thru and a busy carwash where random people are in their cars watching me take crazy photos of myself. It's statistically proven that pictures of faces get some of the most likes on Instagram (i've found that to be SO true about my own feed) and I love getting dressed up or showing off my newest thrifted outfit. It's a fun part of my job and I think it's essential for my Instagram's growth.  

Afraid to try it? Every picture you see in this post was a picture of me jamming out to Kelsea Ballerini blasting over my speakers in my living room, while my camera's ten second timer was going off. Put on some music you can move to and you'll forget you had fears. 

2. I'm Gonna Plan. Plan. Plan. Till I Cain't Plan No Mo'

Ever felt like you have lots of good ideas, they just never happen because time got away from you?

Yeah, me too.

I stopped doing that. I stopped thinking and started doing [and started planning those stellar amazing photos you see to the left]. 

In my most direct and brutally honest tone ever, I'm telling you non-planners that if you want to see your instagram grow

---you need to plan.

Just. try. it. 

I'm really not a fabulous planner. Sometimes I don't follow through with my plans, but every week I write down a list of ideas I have for my instagram.

• What fun photo ideas do I have?
• Is there a girl I can call up to take pics of or with?
• Do I have new products I need to feature?
• Is there an inspirational quote I can write out to encourage others with?
• Do I need to share some of the work I've been doing for clients so I can get more clients? (The answer is ALWAYS YES for that one)

Planning helps me keep my Instafeed spicy and interesting without having to stress over finding a picture to post every day. In all actuality, it saves me time (I usually have enough pics for 1-2 weeks worth of insta-posts after one session) and brings more intentional photos and color to my feed. 

Stay tuned for Part 2 Next week, we'll cover authenticity, hashtags, direct messages, and instagram challenges. 

 

 

Where I come frommmm, there's corn bread and chicken--- where I come froommmm. 

Sweet Alan Jackson making cornbread and chicken sound even more amazing than it already is. 

Do you southern gals remember the greatness of that song?! I remember line dancing to it in middle school--- at the skating rink! Go watch his youtube video just for inspiration, flashbacks, and giggles. 

Every time I post a picture on Instagram or finish a Photography session with a client I always find myself humming that song. Especially the part about "Work'n hard to make a live'n". Love it. 

Do you ever find it hard to love your client's well? To serve them or care for them even when they have a million seemingly ridiculous Photography expectations or unrealistic design fixes they need you to make?

I know I have felt my fair share of frustrations in the past. But I really believe those frustrations have lessened over time because 1) I've improved setting expectations with clients and overly communicating with them every little detail of how our interactions will go down, and 2) I've placed more value on their experience than my own. 

I love my clients. And I love working hard for them. Going the extra mile to make their design all that they dreamed up is what I'm about. I tell my Jamboree Clients to give me all the critical and minute feedback they can muster so we can make their dream logo or photography session exactly how they imagined it. 

Over the past few years, I've been about cultivating a cliental that comes back for all their design or photography needs--- because that's the kind of successful customer service I've learned the past 7 years in other fantastic organizations and institutions. 

The first job I ever had, found sweet little 18 year old me, operating roller coasters and cleaning up puke as a janitor at a Theme Park. 

I know, DREAMMYYY. 

I wasn't perfect at customer service then. I was frustrated by vacationers' negative attitudes and didn't know how to handle their complaints without responding somewhat apathetically and passively. I didn't fully understand what it was to positively and joyfully represent the company I worked for. But that company (Herschend Family Entertainment) had a phrase that has stuck with my customer service values ever since I worked there: I should be "Making Memories Worth Repeating" for my customer. 

I didn't love being a janitor then. It was a humbling job that taught me a lot about hard work and inner-motivation (and how to clean a bathroom SPARKLING CLEAN). I really loved being an RA and a Hall Director/Supervisor, but I didn't always love every situation I found myself in. But at the end of the day, I learned it really wasn't about me--- it was about my customer having as positive and fair of an experience as I could give them. And by the way, that DOES mean saying no to them at times. Trying everything in your power to say yes, but being willing to say no isn't always a bad thing. 

What makes my customer service stand out now, as an Entrepreneur, isn't my skill set or creativity, it's my ability to relate to and cheer on my customers. 

I'm relatable because I'm learning this business cray-cray-ness too and it can be a really challenging journey at times. But I get to be a cheerleader for all these awesome Ladypreneurs/Girl Bosses I design for or take pictures of. I always tells them that I wish I could sit down with them and grab a latte and hear all about their business, what they're learning, and how that work/life balance is going. I do my best to tell them what they're doing matters. 

So, because I love my clients, I HAVE been working hard for them and I thought I'd share with you some of the custom designs I've been working on for clients behind the scenes. It's been logos and invites for the win this past month! The heart wreath was originally an invite I made for a friend (she's one of those customers that keeps coming back for all her design needs), but she told me I could sell it as a print because LOOK AT IT. It's such a perfect V-day Print! 

Are you still trying to figure out where you stand with your clients? Do you ever find yourself frustrated with them? I'd love to know ways you handle your cliental and how you relate and connect with them! 

Stacie

P.S. If you're interested in my custom logos, invitations, or pre-designed logos&invites, hit up my Etsy Shop for all the goodies. 

If you receive my weekly newsletter you heard my big news. 

I’m a resolution and goal maker because I think it’s important when a season changes or a month passes for us to look back on our lives and ask if we are a better version of ourselves. Are we living wholly, holy, and fully? Are we cheating moments and our best selves? Have we lost sight on Him who is Highest. 

So I made a big resolution.

I decided to read more books than my sweet Brett this year. He’s more than an avid reader— he inhales a book or two before his morning coffee. And I, a mere mortal with big dreams and Revlon Eye-liner have decided to go up against him. 

So Netflix and Hulu have been turned off until May so I can work this book-reading competition like a Girl Boss. 

Three weeks in: As a creative entrepreneur it’s harder than you’d think to turn off those outlets. I broke down and watched the first episode of The Bachelor because- TWINS?! But then I reprimanded myself and looked up all the good secrets online. :)

BUT, I’ve enjoyed it so much as hard as it’s been. As a creative, it’s really easy to “Netflix and create”. Edit those pictures and Netflix. Create designs and Hulu. It fills time that can often be quiet or mundane, but I’ve found binging really KEEPS me from being productive or being in touch with myself. I’ve already been doing this for three weeks, and I’ve been more productive this month than maybe 3–4 months of 2015. Not just productive, but life feels slower, deeper, and more intentional.

But you’ll never hear me dis on Netflix or Hulu. I just don’t think the binging is for me. This Golden Era of TV has been incredible to watch. There are TV series' being made that are impactful, real, exposing of humanity, hilarious, and just, crazy beautiful. I am grateful for the characters I’ve fallen for or admired (there’s a post coming on how much I love Leslie Knope, soon)

I don’t think this post would be complete without me listing out every show I watched this past year, my eyes were HUGE when I finished making my list… I’m partly proud and partly ashamed— you can judge me however you desire. Please don't tell me you watched more shows than me, because then I'll judge you. Yup, I will. 

Shows I watched in 2015:

• Downton Abbey- Season 5
• Video Game High School- Season 1-3 (watched through twice)
• Once Upon a Time (Seasons 1-5)
• The Mindy Project (Seasons 1, 3, 4)
• New Girl- (Season 4)
• Modern Family- Season 6
• Arrow- Seasons 2-4
• The Flash- Seasons 1, 2
• Kimmy Schmidt- Season 1
• Chuck- Season 1(we usually watch all the Chuck Seasons every year because we are crazy fan girls)
• Fixer Upper- Season 1
• American Ninja Warrior- Season 6
• Master of none- Season 1
• Drop Dead Diva (Seasons 1-5 BUT I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED ON SEASON 2 WHAT WERE THE WRITERS OF THAT SHOW THINKING?! I deserve an award for sticking around that long)
• Gilmore Girls -Seasons 1-7
• Quantico- Season 1
• iZombie- Season 1, 2
• Parks and Rec- Seasons 1-7
• Portlandia- Season 5
• Arrested Development- Seasons 1-3 (Anyone else not able to make it through season 4? Like, mentally I just couldn’t do it)
• Sherlock- Seasons 1-3

I never wanted to go to college. You've probably heard me say that before.

My parents pretty much told me I had to, filled out those college applications for me, and traveled me to 6 different universities so I could choose one. It was a toss up between a Florida college and a California college- and even though there was an Anthropologie a block away from the Florida Campus, I fell for that intoxicating California Dreaminess (that semi-disappears once you actually move there...BTW) and ended up graduating from an incredible university.

And I'm forever grateful my parents made me go.

But, I get it.

I had really caring parents and I come from a family who could afford to let me apply to lots of different places (with visits to each, except the one in Canada) and keep my options open (whether I wanted options or not). I realize there are some people in this world who desperately want to go to college but can't because of cultural restrictions, no financial backing, or other circumstances that prohibit them from going. I also realize there are tons of kids in the world who were like me--- they really couldn't see the point of college, moving away from home, or how college can positively impact their responsibility and leadership in this world. 

Nowadays, I consider it an HONOR to create graduation announcements for college kids (I make them for high schoolers too!), because getting a college degree can really be one of the hardest things people sign up to do. It's a social, mental, physical, and spiritual fight. It can be an uphill climb for those who don't feel like they EVER fit well in a classroom (I get that--- I NEVER felt like I was smart or had ANY business trying to take in information- I took the SAT then went to tutoring to re-take it because my scores were #hellasad, and I actually did worse the second time I took it). It can feel defeating to know the amount of loans you've accumulated. You can feel the tears when you have so much homework and work you don't know how to balance it all. It can even be the most trying, when you feel the weight of your previous identity in high school shifting into something new and you're not as familiar with yourself as you once thought you were.

All of those things- difficult, but sharpening. 

That's SO MUCH SO the reason I love creating these announcements. I am celebrating with my clients their newness. Their big sigh of relief. They've worked hard. They've fought both inward and outward battles and they are coming out the other side probably equally as frightened as when they stepped into their dorm room for the first time as freshmen... but they are forever changed and ready to embark on their next hero's journey. 

THAT'S a phenomenal reason to design graduation invites, don't you think?

Here are some of my favorite designs: 

Marriage- Year 3. I am so grateful for this guy- he sharpens me, challenges me, holds me, forgives me, and apologizes to me. He serves my family so selflessly and invests in other's lives so intentionally and servant-heartedly. He's so humble about it most people don't know how he goes out of his way for others. He tells me he loves me but shows it to me a billion times more. I'm a sappy wife over his sweet love for me.

In a few weeks we'll have been married 3 whole crazy years. I love being married to my hotty. Especially when he puts up with all my picture taking. It's cause he's so darn toot'n hot I gotta take all the shots of him I can get!

Design Jamboree: Guest-Writing for us today is Niki Spector, whom I had the pleasure of living down the hall from in college (shoutout 4South Ladies!). Niki hails from Boulder, Colorado and is one of those crazy awesome lifelong Young Lifer's (shoutout Young Lifers and try saying that five times fast). She's a soothing soul and life-giving sister who doesn't want to miss a beat. She's mature beyond her years, knows how to use hashtags, and has some MAJOR truth bombs for us today. Y'all, I was A MESS OF TEARS after I read this. As we declare in Texas, "This gal done collaborated with the Holy Ghost on this here post! Listen up yee Jesus needers." For real, I pray this reaches your heart today.

---

Listening to: Hidden by United Pursuit

(not-so-subtle hint that you should take a minute, turn on this song and soak it in cause it’ll paint your soul gold)

 

Let me set the scene:

It’s a stupid hot day in April in Azusa, California. There’s an overwhelmed, lonely (probably hormonal) nineteen-year-old girl hiding in a curtained-off corner inside a tiny prayer chapel. She’s curled up in a puddle of her own tears. Sitting in her questions. Her loneliness. Her fear.

And she’s refusing to move.

Refusing to get up and lift her eyes up and choose to believe the Truth.

She’s circling round and round and round, trying to make a decision about the trajectory of her life. But she is frozen, afraid to even move one toe for fear of landing in the wrong place.

She can’t hear the God who adores her whispering His love over her. She can’t hear Him say that He longs to tell her who she is to Him. That He doesn’t care about her being perfect. She can’t hear that. Because all the questions are just too loud.

This was me a handful of years ago. I was a freshman at a tiny college a thousand miles from home, and I was having a major meltdown. I wasn’t happy with where I was at, and I felt nudged to consider transferring back home to Boulder, CO. So I did what I always do when I’m overwhelmed and confused and can’t make out left from right inside of my brain: 

I made a list.

(shout out to all the “list girls” out there #solidarity)

I wrote down the pros and cons and goods and bads and truths and lies and PLEASE GOD TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

And…silence.

Or so I thought. I thought He forgot about me. I thought that God had some super specific mystery plan for me that I had to dial into and execute perfectly or else I’d miss it. I’d miss whatever goodness He was planning to give me. Or that He would be mad that I did it wrong. I let my identity get wrapped up in my ability to listen to God’s prompting and then follow Him. Friends, let me tell you, this is a dangerous lie to believe.

I spent the next few months toiling over what to do. Back and forth and back and forth and uggghhhhhhh. Have you played this game with yourself over a decision in your life? It’s pretty exhausting. I don’t recommend it. I sat with friends and mentors and my favorite authors (who I also call friends) and they all gave me advice about what situation would be better for me, and what I should do, and lalalalala. And still, I had no peace.

I left it up to the weekend before the fall semester was going to start. Literally. Not figuratively. side note: if we were chatting over a cup of coffee, I’d be leaning across the table, wide-eyed. You know, for emphasis. Four words: LIT-ER-A-LLY.

My patient mother (bless her) came into my room on Friday to say goodnight and softly told me it was truly time to make a decision. That night, while tossing and turning, I heard God. YAAAASSSS finally!!!!!!!! He was going to tell me exactly what to do! He was going to lay it all out for me and tell me step by step exactly where I should go and FINALLY I could please Him!!!

“Beloved one, wherever you go, I am with you. Always.”

That’s it?!?!? Are you freaking kidding me?!?! To say I was #pissed would be an understatement.

And then, I wasn’t. Then there was peace.

Because I realized that it wasn't about what I did. It wasn’t about where I went. It wasn’t about any of that. It was about being with my Father, and loving Him right where I’m at.

END SCENE.

This morning, four years later, I was reading the love story God wrote to us.

“The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us, not by what we are and what we do for Him.” | Romans 12 MSG

Mic drop.

My dude Paul hit the nail on the head with this one. These simple words he spoke to the Romans continue to speak so sweetly to my tired heart. Like honey dripping from God’s lips, I soaked this truth in deeeeeeeep today while sitting cross-legged in my bed with a cup of strong coffee and a messy bun.

What God is.

Patient.

Tender.

Kind.

What He does for us.

Protects.

Comforts.

Provides for.

Remember that? Remember that He is your friend? He adores you. He is for you, not against you.

He’s not interested in backing you into a corner, shining an interrogation light in your terrified eyes and testing you to see if you know the right answer.

No. He holds the answers. So the pressure’s off.

I’m reading this sweet book about Corrie Ten Boom, who is the definition of a hero in my book. It’s called The Hiding Place, and you should stick your nose in it ASAP #shamelessplug.

 But there’s one part that straight up wrecked me, y’all. Curious little Corrie is asking her daddy some seriously hard questions, and he gets down at eye level with her, and explains through a metaphor that he will tell her the answers when she is ready to receive them. That if she will just keep her hand in his, he will be sure to keep her safe and to get her where she needs to be.

Corrie says: “And I was satisfied. More than satisfied—wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions—but for now I was content to leave them in my father’s keeping.”

I think this is what God does with me every single day. What a patient guy. When I beg and plead with Him to tell me answers (NOW!!!!!), to tell me what to do and how and when, so that I can be obedient…He just bends down. He grabs my face between His hands and tells me that He will carry the answers to those questions until I am ready to receive them.

All that really matters is that I cling to Him.

That I trust His intentions.

That my heart is set & my eyes are trained on Jesus, and that I delight in His love for me.

That we laugh together and play and adventure

and that I let Him decide when I need to know things.

And there, in that place, I am wonderfully at peace.

Because I am content to leave the answers in my Father’s safe keeping.

PS: I won’t leave you without closure. That would be mean. But I was strategic about not telling you the ending of that story, because I wanted to make my point: it’s not about where you land.

But just FYI, I ended up transferring home to the University of Colorado-Boulder. I also got to go on an “epic- escape-and-go-find-yourself-and-hash-out-all-of-your-problems” month long backpacking trip with a bestie of mine. It turned out to just be a treat-yo’self-trip where God was just nice to us and we played. I just graduated from college, and now there’s a whole new slurry of questions chasing their tails in my head. But my posture is different now. God’s got ‘em.

He’s got me.

He’s got you.

We took some Paddleboarding shots at sunset a few nights ago. And if you really want a raw depiction of our night, it wasn't all dreamy and perfect. We took turns paddling so we could get shots of each other. The water was choppy so the paddling was extra slow and difficult, I was frustrated I didn't get the pictures I wanted of Brett in the sunset (even though I really love them now that I've looked at them), I was snarky with Brett while we loaded the paddle board into our car, and I snapped at the paddle board (yup, I can be cruel to inanimate objects) when putting it away.

Not every evening on the lake goes that way, but I think, in light of how pretty these pictures are, they should come with authentic descriptions. Joy Williams just came out with her new album, Venus, and I've cried listening to it a few times. She went through hurt and wrote an album about it. And it's one of the best pieces of art I've heard in a long time. So if you need a good cry because marriage isn't what you hoped it would be or someone hurt your heart, you should go listen and cry too. Lyrics to her song "you loved me" are below. Raw and true. 

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I think First Times are some of the best stories. Telling them. Hearing them. My first kiss (way wetter than I'd have preferred), my first trek through Yosemite, my first outfit from Anthropologie, or my first realization my values weren't everyone else's. There's something about First Times that makes us smile, roll our eyes, or nod our head grateful for the experience. Firsts are SO great, I thought I'd share some of mine with you in this new blog series, "First Times". 

Whether you can relate to my firsts or have completely different experiences (and if you do I would love to hear about them in the comments) or are inspired to have your first [fill in the blank] based on my own stories, I hope these are sweet to read. So here's my very FIRST First Times. Bahaha. Enjoy. 

The first time I heard Bon Iver....

....was a soft and twinkly night in college. It was an Autumn California night-- warm and whimsical (the kind of night I've realized you can't find anywhere else but California). Perfection.

My apartment window was open to a sweet breeze, curtains gently moving. I was getting dressed for a "Yacht Club" event at the pool just outside my apartment door. There weren't going to be any yachts, expensive alcohol (much less, ANY alcohol) wasn't going to be served, and nobody needed a membership to attend. It was, however, going to be fancy and social. And THOSE two words are my hashtags. It really did seem dreamy.

I'd tell you to close your eyes and imagine this next paragraph, but then you wouldn't be able to read it, so close your eyes after you read it and catch the vibes of the night: Attire was black and white. It was Casa Blanca meets California Country Club. Palm trees and railings of our apartment courtyard were covered in Christmas lights. Candles were floating in the pool. Mason jars were everywhere. An old silent movie projected against a wall. The beautiful calm and low lights before the orchestra plays. 

The party had been in the works all day and we’d opened our windows to listen to the music they’d begun to play to set the ambiance. There’s nothing like getting all dressed up while the party and it’s melodies build outside. The fancy beckons. The romance of the twinkle calls.

I stood in front of my mirror, staring at myself in my black and white dress when I heard it.

The song.

It called me into the living room, straight to the open window. I peaked out at the magical array of lights and that stellar smog-strewn night sky…and just listened. It felt like the breeze had carried that song right into our living room.

I couldn’t quite nail the feeling of it all, but I knew that song was for the night.

It was for the experience and the wonder. It was sweet significance. It was the possibility of falling in love. It was walking through the party slowly and alone, enjoying the dream in the air. It was laughing with my friends, hugging people I’d seen in class earlier as if I hadn’t seen them in ages, and looking at cute boys with searching eyes.

It was Skinny Love.

To this day, it’s one of my favorite firsts. 

---

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---

This post is for those of you who just can’t #nofilter. 

I had my first iPhone moment when I was a Junior in College. I made a trip to Brooklyn to help my brother, Michael, move apartments, which meant I was ACTUALLY there to eat a really great bagel on the sidewalk and make sure nobody stole any of his DVD collection all while the moving guys did the heavy lifting. I love being able to help when I can. ;)

We moved him out of his teeny-weeny-lots-of-moolah Brooklyn apartment into the first floor of a beautiful Victorian House in a somewhat Jewish part of Brooklyn. I called it The Rugby House, because it was on Rugby Street. So dreamy right?

We sat out on his new front porch one morning, eating Dunkin Donuts and chatting, when he got his new iPhone out and started showing me some of his picture editing apps. Nobody I knew had the iPhone yet and I'd never heard of an "App" so it was all new and exciting. Michael's that guy who has the cool stuff before anybody else does. He’s five steps above hipster, but they haven’t invented a name for his kind yet. And what he was showing me was the Cinnabon of technology. Sweet, gooey, yummy, and tasty advanced technology. I was Enraptured. Enthralled. Inspired. 

I'd been technologically Cinnabon'd. 

I’ve come a long way since that moment. I’m a smartphone junky now and have downloaded my fair share of free and $$$Cha-ching$$$ Photo Editing apps. Below are my favorite Photo-editing apps from "MOST favorite" to "Still Just as Awesome".

---

TOP 5 IPHONE EDITING APPS: 

----RhonnaDesigns----

I haven’t found an app like Rhonna since I downloaded it two years ago. Rhonna has so many photo and graphic capabilities it’s almost unfair to all the other editing apps out there. I played around with this app before I’d even heard of Photoshop and still prefer what this app can do for me over PS at times—— if you need to design something in a hurry (an invite, a poster, a meme), this is what you should use. ***Be careful though, you could really get sucked into all the different options and designs and Rhonna your life away.***

Practical Uses: Making prints and designing STELLAR posters 

FAVORITE Feature: It masks all of it’s texts and images with the touch of a button. Genius.

Cost: $1.99 (2.99 if you buy her other app, Rhonna Designs Magic, it's pretty cool too)

---

-----Afterlight-----

 For REALZ, who doesn’t use this? You should be using it. Afterlight has consistently been handing out some pretty stellar, basic, and easy to use filters. Afterlight's my go-to when I really don’t want to do too much editing and need my pictures brightened and enhanced as if I'd taken them on a DSLR. 

Practical Uses: Basic Editing and Photo-Filters; if you really want to have fun, they’ve added the “Double Exposure” feature for Image Blending . SO MUCH FUN. 

FAVORITE Feature: The dust and light leaks I can add to my pictures to make them look worn or tainted. I’m a sucker for light leaks. Like, gosh, I love me some fake light. 

Cost: $.99

---

-----A Beautiful Mess-----

ABM should always be on your list for awesome Photography Resources, whether you use a DSLR or iPhone. My favorite purchase from their shop is their ABM Actions line up for Photoshop. I edit every single picture I take with their actions. But their app is perfect for editing on-the-go instagram photos if I need to make them a bit more professional or fun. The ABM sister-duo is SUPER into scrapbooking so their app is perfect for adding text to pictures you’re going to print or make a Chatbook with. 

Practical Uses: Adding fun/modern filters to my photos

FAVORITE feature: Their fonts and Picture Borders. 

Cost: $.99

---

----Party Party----

This is also an app produced by Elsie and Emma over at A Beautiful Mess. It’s exactly what it’s called— A party. This app is great to have on your iPad so you can make a slideshow GIF out of pictures you took from vacation or a Photo Booth from your birthday party last night. I’ve seen this app get used for lots of crazy cool branding, advertising, and artistic style GIF’s. It’s perfect! 

[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hL4pfCda9E&w=640&h=480]

Practical Uses: Making .gif's or videos to post on Instagram or in powerpoints (do people still do those?)

FAVORITE feature: Can print off my pictures like they were made in a Photo Booth!

Cost: $.99

---

------Image Blender-------

In case Afterlight doesn’t blend your picture the way you were hoping, Image Blender has your back. Not only can you blend pictures on this app, you can mask different areas you DON’T want blended for just the right touch. I'm still playing around with this app, but I LOVE just messing around with it. 

Practical Uses: Good to use when you have the artistic feels. Image Blender is the iPhone version of Taylor Swift’s “Style” music video for all you Swifty’s out there. You can do some pretty cool double exposure-ee things with it. 

FAVORITE feature: controlling which areas get blended. 

Cost: $2.99

As of right now, I really don't miss living in a dorm. You might not believe me, but I've enjoyed this season of living with my parents (okay, okay, it's only been two weeks since I moved in with them).

The best part of non-dorm life is that I find myself going through my mid-twenties crisis--- my friend, Katie, told me that's a real thing the other day...and I thought I was just being funny---- two days before my last day of my full-time-shindig I went and bought a Paddleboard that's been whoop'n my butt every day I take it out on the lake. #canyoustillgetabsattwentyfive? So this post-full-time-shindig life has been SO difficult. 

But one thing I DO miss and ache over is running into sweet college students all the time.

In light of that, I'm glad I ran into these crazy college girls at sunset a few weeks ago before I quit my full time shindig--- and I love that I just so happened to have my camera out when they ran up to give me big hugs. I've loved seeing their friendship bloom and I've loved watching them grow as leaders. Check out their perty lil' faces in the golden hour. 

Approval is one of my idols.

Approval invites me to slumber parties with Comparison, Rejection, and Loneliness--- we stay up for hours eating lots of feel-bad-about-it-later junk food, obsessing over what everyone else thinks about us. We tear apart the character and accomplishments of others to make ourselves feel better about our own character and gifts. I'll wake up the next morning tired, empty, and feeling gross.

If I let it, approval would keep me searching for the rest of my life. From one person to the next. From one job to the next. From one creative outlet to the next. And no matter how many times someone tells me I did great or was the best, I'd always see someone else get more approval than I did. I'd wonder for days, months, and years how I can get the same level of approval they did. Trusted friends will assure me I have their ultimate approval and acceptance, but I'd always hear a small voice- "They were lying to you. Don't believe them. Keep trying harder."

Approval follows me everywhere. It gives me a Simon Cowell rating after every difficult-to-have conversation, every meeting I lead with my staff, and every blog I write. It will tell me that others' opinions matter more than anything else.

What saddens me most is, I'll worship approval and hear it berate me for how stupid I sounded or acted. I'll let it make me feel terrible and unwanted by others. I'll let it drive me away from those who can remind me approval doesn't matter the way I let it matter. I'll let it confirm I shouldn't lean on my friends and family for encouragement. It will even tell me I shouldn't tell them I struggle with worshipping approval because then they will see flaw in me, and not approve of me.

Confession.

Confession will set me free. It will allow others to see my flaws, encourage me, and pray for me. It makes room so my home team can consistently ask me who and what I am worshipping. Confession does not mean I am a burden to others. It is an opopruity for change. It leads to a greater depedence on the God who cares so deeply for me to know Him in a life of truth and freedom. It humbles me. Confession is the kind of fight I'm grateful I fought for in the end. Confession allows others to speak Truth in my life in the midst of all the lies I am tempted to believe every day. Lies that SCREAM: Stacie, you need approval to get by in this life.

Thinking that I need approval from everyone else is a lie I wreck myself over.

Lies suck. 

Lies suck life and truth from my life. Living in deceit keeps me in the dark, in secret, away from the thriving woman God created me to be. Lies keep me from loving others authentically and well. Why? Because secrets will always keep others from fully knowing me. Downton Abbey woudln't be a show without all the secrets and lies every character keeps. I figured that out last Sunday as I was watching Episode 3. That show creates characters that harbor deep dark secrets.

 Approval from God alone is what I need and want to crave. Lies, be gone. Light, shine on that which I worship that pulls me down and decays my bones. 

The other day my mom stopped by our apartment to eat dinner with us before she headed off to her counseling class. It was a quick dinner and we didn't have a ton of time to really have the sweet deep and caring conversations I am lucky to have with my mom, but she said something in passing that really tapped into my inspirational-living heart beat.

Right next to her Freebird burrito was a bracelet I've been wearing a lot lately. I'm not a huge jewelry wearer, but bracelets I can handle. (Side note: I really want to be a jewelry wearer. This is a 2015 goal. Watch out Sam Moon.) The bracelet isn't even a bracelet, really... it's a broken watch I tried to repair two years ago, but the watch face kept falling out no matter how much Gorilla Glue I used, so I just decided to let the bracelet go commando. Or maybe I should say I embraced the bracelet's decision to get rid of it's face. Or, if you really want the unpoetic unpinned version--- I gave up on fixing the watch. You'd be surprised how many people ask me what time it is though, even without a clock face. 

My mom picked it up and said something like, "Look at that, a watch without the time. It kind of just makes you want to live in the moment. I'm always living in the past or worrying about the future. What a good reminder."  

I just wanted to stop her right there and say, "I can't help that my style and jewelry choices are so unintentionally inspirational that way. Stop telling me how awesome I am, mom."

But she was right. It is a great reminder to live in the moment. 

My co-worker, Lauren, and I have been giving Storyline presentations to the college students we work with the past few weeks on productivity, living intentionally, and dreaming big. One of the questions we ask our students is, "How many of you feel like you are working for the clock instead of the clock working for you?" Most people raise their hand with a big groan.

We work for the clock, feel guilty when we don't accomplish "enough", feel rushed to get things done, procrastinate out of guilt, and constnatly feel like we are trying to keep up or catch up. We live lives of response instead of pro-activeness. We let fear, worry, and overwhelming to-do lists freeze us. They keep us from moving forward or becoming who we want to be or doing what we really want to do.

I mourn the fact that I've lived a lot of my 25 years as a time-waster, frozen by fear, rejection, and "what if's". This last year I really got fed up with being depressed by what I wasn't and what I didn't have. I'm not sure when identity-depression sinks in for you, but I tend to get attacked most on the weekends, when work isn't at my fingertips and spare time makes me question my worthiness and purpose in this world. So I faced my fears, found the roots of them, stopped caring so much about the "what if's" and  just. started. doing. I started chasing dreams. I started taking fun creative pictures of people. I started my blog and paper shop and gained clients and figured out how much I love/hate custom orders. I started reading more instead of wanting to read more. I started saving instead of wanting to save. 

I stopped tracking how much I wasn't getting done and started tracking how much I WAS getting done. I started enjoying projects even if they took longer than I thought they would. The clock stopped controlling me so much. 

So this week, even though I work on a schedule with a-ka-ba-jillion appointments and to-do lists in my planner, I am going to continue to strive to let go of what I can't finish and embrace what I DO have time to do. I'm going to be on time but not let time and progress control how I view my self-worth. I'm going to let good conversations last instead of letting my to-do list guilt trip me through the day. I'm going to look to how I can let my time be life-giving to myself and to others.

I'm going to wear my bracelet and be reminded not of a failed attempt to fix a watch, but be reminded that living, instead of worrying, is one of the best ways to keep moving forward.

What is an area of your life you feel frozen by fear and worry in? How do you see yourself moving forward?  

A few weeks ago, I was sitting down at a long table in a lamp-lit hotel lobby, ready to reflect on my life, and, for the first time in a long time, ask myself "Stacie, what do you want to accomplish and do in your lifetime?". I was pumped. Big questions and life reflections don't scare me. They excite me. Introspection for the sake of moving forward is my jam-a-lamma-ding-dong. Really, I love reflection so much you could put me on a bike at night and I'd keep you safe.

I was really excited to start setting goals for my blog/paper store/photography and the creative outlet it can be for me. Sometimes that's the hardest part of life, to sit down and write out what you really want. Or allow yourself to stop focusing on taking care of others/pleasing others so you can ask yourself where your own heart, passions, and desires lay.

Just as I put my pen to the paper a woman with fuzzy socks and sweatpants walked carefully by my table, trying her best not to spill the cup of coffee she'd just poured (Can we agree that every hotel in the world should have free coffee kiosks? Even if that coffee is terrible, it's free. And available. Always. Like that guy you met at your friend's wedding who asked you out but ended up not being your type but you didn't care because you'd managed to just find somebody who was available. That's the glory of free hotel coffee kiosks).

Coffee Socks Lady stopped to look at me, noticed my Storyline binder then asked me very loudly, "OHHHHH, ARE YOU HERE FOR THE STORYLINE CONFERENCE TOOOOO?!" She talked to me like we were a pair of sorority-besties getting to see each other for the first time in years.

"Let me go grab my stuff upstairs and I'll join you! I promise I won't talk too much so you can get your work done!". Before I could figure out a polite rejection to her self-invite she was back with all of her stuff. Two hours later we were still talking (mainly about her) and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to get a chance to reflect on my life. Isn't it funny how peace and quiet aren't things we seek all that often, but when we do, it's a real fight for them? 

Even though I reflected absolutely not at all and just ended up excusing myself to go back to my hotel room, one moment of my conversation with that woman has had me thinking. She sat down, looked at me with expectation and asked, "So what do you do?". I told her I was a Hall Director who really loves to write, craft, and take pictures on the side.

She responded, "So you're a writer and photographer?"

I grimaced. I've never really referred to myself by such lofty titles before. Those are my aspirations.

"YOU AREEEE, You're a Writer and Photographer. GIrl, you OWN UP TO THAT!" she squealed when she saw the look on my face.

"Uh, I guess so." And then I confided. "I just don't know when you're actually aloud to start identifying yourself with those things if you're not necessarily sure you ARE those things. Just because you enjoy them doesn't mean you ARE them." 

She told me it was time I start referring to myself as those things. To walk confidently in the things I love. The whole TED talk "fake it till you become it" mindset.

I nodded my head, but I've decided that sureness isn't that easy for me. Throughout the counseling class I've been taking this semester, I've learned that I am constantly frozen by one question: ?Does everyone else think I'm good enough?" It's a plaguing and fear-inducing question for me. It's the question I let keep me up at night. The question that really self-injures when I let it become my obsession. The answer to the question always seems to be "no". 

After my chat with sock coffee lady I fell asleep thinking to myself, "Am I good enough to be a writer?" "Am I good enough to actually be considered a photographer?" For years I've been asking myself "Am I a good enough [wife, leader, mentor, Christian, woman]?" Some of you probably know how defeating this question can be. Even a solid amount of affirmation that I'm good at photography and writing still doesn't obliterate the "Good enough" question for me. It will always be in the back of my mind.

Ah, the "good enough's". They creep into so many corners of our lives and hearts, don't they? 

Good enough's have a lot to do with titles if you ask me. I'm afraid of titles and the expectations that come with them. It's a risk to say I'm a photographer...what if you really ARE a photropharer- you could take one look at my pictures and laugh at how terrible they really are. What if you're a writer and you read my blog and think, "Gosh I hope that girl doesn't refer to herself as a writer, she's tainting our vocation." Ah, comparison. Ah, confidence. Ah, Good enough's. 

Will this question ever go away? Will I ever be a photographer? A writer? A good wife? A good Christian?

This week, I've decided to start telling people I"m "A Creative" with a blogging outlet. And I kind of like how that sounds. To me, A creative is on their way all the time. Always learning. Always growing. Interestred in so many differnet oulets. It avoids one specific title. It doesn't have a slew of expectaions with it.

The truth is, I really don't have to have a title. And I really don't think I'll ever be a certain kind of Good Enough. I've come to believe there's not a definition for Good Enough outside of God. I really have a ton of hope in the fact that I'll never be perfect. I'll never get to do everything. I'll never receive enough praise. I'll never have it all. It's my daily struggle-wagon, but I'm constantly being reminded by the Holiest of Spirits that I don't have to be enough. Jesus was enough for me. ANd that takes such a burden off my shoulders. It diminishes and destroys all my fears that I won't be all that I want to be. Because God is making me all that He wants me to be. He's given me a love for creating just as He created. I'll never amount to HIm, but I have His workings within me. ANd I love that and will cling to that when I'm haunted by the "Good Enough's". 

I know a lot of people that don't associate themselves with jesus and have been really hurt by people who follow Him. You might have even been hurt by me, and I"m sorry about that. But can you imagine what it might feel like to trust God with your burdens and know that you don't have to spend your entire life being good enough for everyone else's standards? It's an amazing hope I have. 

Are you suffering from an identity case of the "Good Enough's" lately? Have you taken the time to ask yourself if you will ever be good enough, and what will happen if you aren't? I challenge you to go deep. To dive in and address those fears of being good enough. 

A few weeks ago we jumped out of our car for a quick photosesh in  the Downtown backstreets of the little town we were married in, Weatherford, TX. 

We were there for a wedding... at the same place we were married just two years ago. 

I was filled with dreamy nostalgic thoughts the whole night. Eating waffles, carrot cake, and drinking magically cultivated coffee (because the groom is obsessed with good coffee--- he's a downright coffee snob and he knows it). The lights were twinkly and I was drunk on how sweet it was to be back where we got married.

What's crazy about that night? We actually missed the wedding because we got the time wrong. I was tempted to be angry with Brett- to blame him for messing up the time for the most important part of the evening. I gave him some edge and sass as it began to dawn on us that the ceremony had already happened and we had made it just in time for the reception. He pulled me aside and told me he was sad we missed the ceremony too, but that I didn't need to get angry, sassy, or throw a pity party. He was stern, honest, and right. He had that serious pleading in his eyes that told me my attitude choice would dictate whether or not either of us had a good time for the rest of the night---And in that moment, I had to let go of control and the fact that I was really looking forward to seeing our friend get married...and enjoy why we were there.

I think of Stacie and Brett in that same place two years ago.... and I think of how we wouldn't have communicated that way two years ago. It's taken two years of marriage for Brett to talk to me in a way that tells me I'm being ridiculous. Not in a mean way, but in a "this face and tone of voice is going to sharpen and refine the ridiculousness you, Stacie Lynne, are choosing right now" kind of way. And it's definitely taken two years of marriage for me to not immediately cower into a pity party of resentment and anger over things like missing a wedding ceremony. I can be quick to make circumstances that disappoint me about myself. I can be tempted to make Brett feel bad about mistakes- a weird way I try to manipulatively hold power over my husband. 

But what happened when I chose to celebrate and enjoy even in my disappointment?

Well.....

We loved being there in that special place, celebrating our friends' happiness, and getting to see people from our local community. We even got to see our friend's Nichole and Patrick just a few days before their baby girl was born. It was epic and beautiful to be in the presence of two people beginning their marriage journey together and to be sitting across from two other people about to begin the crazy sweet season of being parents. 

For my man on his "On the other side of 25" birthday.

This past week I went to a seminar on why college males are having much more difficulty thriving in college socially and academically these days. College used to be made of only males, but things have changed so much in the past fifty years. I'm so proud to be a woman and love all that being a woman entails--- I love that women can get an education. But man, after this seminar, my heart is heavy and sad that in some sense we haven't been paying as close attention to males in the education system, and I, for one, feel like I haven't responded to them in ways that are beneficial to their development as college beings. We talked a lot about the need for most males to be reached out to, because, frankly, it's really difficult for most of them to reach out for help. We talked about the fact that they are more likely to be honest about where they are in their academic and social struggles if we are approaching them with one secret ingredient.... 

They need to know we see them winning at life. 

Today I sat across from a woman at our church who has been counseling me Biblically and helping me discern some lies I'm believing about myself, and, in the midst of my all "about me sesh", she mentioned the fact that it's important for me to let Brett know how he's winning as my husband, as a scholar, and as a man who is pursuing and being pursued by God. Immediately I thought, "Oh yeah, Brett's a pretty "standard male"- he needs to know how he's winning!"

Well, let me tell you.... he is winning. 

Last weekend I sunk into a terrible series of bitter pity parties because finances just weren't what I wanted them to be (that's a blog for another time), my job felt taxing, relationships felt spread thin, sex life was an unrealistic expectation, and lies were filling up my brain that God wasn't worth running to. Resentment, blame, and anger welled up in my heart for my sweet husband and after I said some mean angry human things I shouldn't have said to Brett, I went to Target.

Of course.

I went to Target, walked around aimlessly trying my best not to make an impulse buy out of anger, then I just sat down and cried on a squashy foot stool in the living room section for a few minutes while I fought-- well, the grace of God. If you don't know it, fighting your God who's offering you something you don't deserve because He loves you so deeply is a really ridiculous thing to be doing in general... but especially in a Target aisle.

So I thought and fought. 

And after a few minutes I surrendered my pity party and I saw where my frustrations had left me....

 I wasn't trusting Brett, a gift in and of himself, given to me by God. And the irony of that? A lot of people can and will tell you, Brett is the kind of guy you can trust, depend on, and find deeply loyal. I wasn't trusting that he has a heart for me. For my good. For my desires. For my dreams. But mainly, he has a heart for me to know and love a God who has an even bigger heart for me, for my good, for my desires, and for my dreams. I wasn't trusting God's sweet purpose for me. 

Later that night, we laid in bed, staring at each other after a long day I was ashamed of, and I told him just the opposite of what i communicated to him before... I trust him. I trust his leadership decisions in our marriage. I trust he wants to see me thrive as his Bride and that he surrenders a lot of his time and days to ensure I do. I trust him with our finances.

He sacrifices study time so I can attack him with kisses (we joke about the fact that I could kiss Brett all day and never get tired of it) and takes time he doesn't have in his schedule to pray for me and seek God to know how to love me well when I am sad or partying in pity. He is so gentle when I say sharp words to him--- and when I think of all the ways he could have reacted to me these past two years of marriage, instead of choosing gentleness, understanding, and love, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for his heart. 

Maybe I'm totally bragging about him right now because I'm on an I-have-a-stellar-Husband high. But if you have a man in your life and you struggle with seeing him winning or you haven't told him lately how you see him winning at life--- I would love to encourage you to give him that verbal breath of fresh air. Make his day. Celebrate him even if it's not his birthday. Just like the statistics about males in college, I wonder if you telling him how he's winning will only increase the vulnerability and trust between the two of you. Isn't that what so many women and wives are longing for so often? 

Go tell him. How is he winning?

Without Purple Hair: For my big TWOFIVE last week, I sprayed my hair purple. It looked FAR better than that one time my mom let me get bleach blonde highlights for my birthday in middle school. GROSS. That's also when I used to part my hair in the middle... which is JUST NOT a hair part everyone is made for. Only the Spice Girls could pull off bleach blonde highlights and middle parts. And maybe SClub7.... they were allowed to do a lot of things my mom WOULDN'T have let me do for my birthday (like have bleach blonde highlights and wear shirts that don't cover their bellybuttons and amazing Sclub7 abs). Life, I think, would have been a little bit better without highlights and middle parts. But it probably would have been SO MUCH MORE FUN with purple hair and Sclub7 abs. I guess that's something to pursue in my next 25 years....

Without Donuts: Bleak, dark, frustrating. What would I have eaten at 3AM in college without donuts? What would "go nuts" rhyme with?

Without Harry Potter: What would my developmental life be without Harry? Um, but, seriously. Harry taught me bravery. His friends were so true and willing to sacrifice their lives for everyone else's livelihood. I cried for him and laughed with him. I'm not sure I would have ever thought school was cool if it weren't for Hogwarts. Brett and I would have had to go on a normal honeymoon if it weren't for Harry Potter World. We might have even had to go to Disneyworld instead *gasp*!!!! And what would the world do without J.K. Rowling's famous Harvard commencement speech? Cry, probably. It might sound weird to any of my friends who never got into the Harry-craze (or whose parents FORBADE them to), but I am grateful I've lived life alongside The Boy Who Lived.

Without My Creative Mind. I probably would have been far less distracted in school.

Without A brother. I wouldn't have known how to laugh, openly and unashamedly, when someone farts (or as my brother would say it, "when someone makes a fluffy"). Usually that someone is me. 

Without Coffee Shops. Don't be surprised this is on my list. I think back to the first coffee shop I ever went to and remember how my eyes lit up when I realized it was a space made for people like me. A space for dreamers and intro/extroverts. What would I have done without these spaces and warm cups of "I NEED THIS"? Well, I probably would have spent far less money. 

Without Brett. I wouldn't daily consider whether or not I'm married to Clark Kent or not. Those glasses, that look, and the way he steps up to life so bravely has me thinking he might secretly be a superhero. The guy who checked us out at Walmart today even told Brett he looked like Clark Kent. What would I do without Brett, the guy who watches and quotes Elizabethtown with me every few months? The best roadtrip partner a girl could ask for. And the guy who perseveres in loving me and serving me like Jesus served and sacrificed Himself for the church. I've learned so much from him and with him, I hope I can walk the next 25 years with him. 

Without Grace, Peace, Hope, and God. For a few months now I've been rewinding my life trying to imagine what it would have been like for me to live without hope and grace because I want to figure out how to tell people who don't know God like I do, what it's like TO know Him.

I've tried to imagine who I would have been if I didn't believe in God.

What kind of decisions would I have made without the God I've fallen in love with chasing after my heart and life? Where would I be if I hadn't let God write my story? My story is made valuable, beautiful, refined, and new because instead of receiving death, God loved me fiercely enough to sacrifice His treasure and prize, Jesus, so that I can live freely and with hope. Seeking to "Know God" has helped me know and understand so much more of myself, because He created me as a reflection of Him. Knowing my creator helps me delight in who He has created me to be. I meet a lot of people who really struggle to delight in themselves. I do too sometimes, but God will fight lies that I'm worthless- that I'm a failure- with me my entire life, because with Him, he makes me valuable and restored.

If I didn't know the hope God offers me I think I would be trying to find it in everything else. I KNOW I would be seeking acceptance through my blog, fashion sense, and creativity. I would constantly be wanting to be someone else- never loving myself. I KNOW I would be trying to find love, acceptance, and fulfillment in dating and even marriage. But it wouldn't be Brett I'd be married to. Brett and I wouldn't even be married if I didn't know God, because I wouldn't understand that Jesus dying on the cross wasn't just a terrible thing that happened to a nice man--- I wouldn't understand that I am called to sacrifice my life, out of love for others, so they can know God--- just like Jesus did. I wouldn't know how to live that way in my marriage, loving and serving Brett as Jesus would. I would make selfish decisions and attempt to hold power over others (especially women I compare myself to or feel threatened by) so I could feel better about myself. I wouldn't ask God to help me forgive others because I'd rather hold things against them and not seek restoration. 

WITH God--- What I love most is when I find myself at the end of my rope, completely distraught, feeling alone and hopeless, God tells me I am blessed because I have Him. He tells me He hasn't given up on me. He tells me He is good and has a better and deeper purpose for me than I ever imagined for myself. And I really do believe that, because trusting Him has had me wanting to serve Him and love Him all the more. He is Someone I hope everyone I know can meet and be drawn to and walk with. 

Here's to 25 more years with Him. And maybe some more purple hair.

I'm just grateful my staff still thinks I'm "best dressed". 

If there could be a caption for this picture, it would be "Ah-choo". 

Three weeks apart from my husband this summer was altogether awesome (I mean, I made a really fun music video for him and sprawled out on both sides of the bed every night) and crazy difficult (it was too familiar of a flashback of how much I wished I could just be with him during our long distance relationship). 

If there is anything that I'm really taking away from our time apart, it's the way my heart changed towards Brett because of the time I took to pray for him. 

Maybe praying isn't your thing--- but I just want to tell you how significantly it changed our marriage even though we were apart the whole time. Praying helped me see some resentments or frustrations I had toward Brett. Praying for him made me want to love and serve him sweeter and deeper. Thanking God for him was even crazier. As I wrote out and thought about why I was grateful for him, I became all the more aware of how far we've come on this journey and how God has used Brett in my life to offer me His grace and to speak truth into my life. God has given Brett the opportunities (one too many) and tools to love me fiercely in the midst of my own ridiculous failures and sillinesses. 

And the kicker? Brett came back with a huge revelation I don't think he could have had without prayer or God. My love language is verbal affirmation. Tell me how you see me flourishing a human being and your words will stick deeply with me forever. For awhile now Brett has done a good job at saying things like, "You're beautiful" and "I love you". Sometimes I'll venture to ask why, searching for further affirmation I need. And every now and then he'll dive into the "why".  After his trip away, he came back with a conviction to verbally affirm me more often and much more specifically. My need has been brought to his attention and I can already see myself growing in confidence as he affirms he intentionally and specifically. I can also see myself not just brushing off what he says as much but really accepting his words as truth, not just words he HAS to say because he's my husband and the world tells him he needs to tell me sweet things every now and then. I love that what most of Brett affirms me in, are my gifts, strengths, and skills. The things I'm good at. The ways my character flourishes. I'm so grateful for this change in his heart. I very much so believe both of us praying over our marriage  is what resulted in these changes. 

Here's the list of how I prayed for Brett each day, you can even use this as a template for yourself if you want to start a list of prayer for your husband/roommate/best friend: 

1. Safe Travels

2. His gospel driven heart would be serve God and be ever present for an opportunity to share Christ in boldness- even on his Oxford "vacation". 

3. Pray over his leadership in our homegroup

4. Thanked God for all the ways Brett has surprised me in our marriage (like how I didn't realize how loyal and gentle he would be with me). 

5. Asked God how I can serve and love Brett and be led by him according to how the church was/is led by Christ. 

6. Pray over his next two semesters of school and his internship cause he's gonna be a busy guy. 

7. Pray for his acceptance into PHD Schools and God's guidance in the PHD application process. 

8. Pray over his own personal journey with God. 

9. Pray for his family and my relationship to them to grow and flourish. 

10. Pray for his heart in regards to our sex life. (This was one of my favorite things to pray for because goodness knows this is a part of our marriage we can and will always be trusting God with.)

11. Pray over his friendships in Denton. 

12. Pray for a mentor for him. 

13. Prya over his relationships with my guy students this next year. 

14. Pray over our future family together. 

15. Pray scripture for him. 

16. Pray over your financial decisions and heart's toward finances. 

17. Pray over our every day communication, that it may continue to uplift one another, sharpen one another, and be intentional. 

18. Reflect. Does anything in our marriage need to change?

19. Pray for his travels home. 

20. Pray over the transition it will be to have him home and not have as much alone time as you've become accustomed to over the past few weeks. 

What are you praying for those closest to you? How are you praying for them? What changes do you see in yourself and in those you love after a few days of praying for them?