This month I’m practicing what it looks like to be for women. Specifically the women around me. And specifically with words of affirmation and acknowledgement. To friends and strangers alike.
So I’m having a “You CAN sit with us” Giveaway!!! EEEK! (See the bottom of this post to enter!)
One of my favorite lines from Mean Girls (one of my all time favorite movies and musicals) is when Gretchen yells at Regina “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!”.
That line is so iconic. And hilarious. And Ridiculous. And you’ve probably had it yelled at you before by someone sarcastic like me.
But the “you can’t sit with us” mentality is totally something I see in my generation and the generation I mentor.
I've blocked out, judged, or put down other women by verbally and silently communicating they can’t sit with me, compete with me, or have power over me. I've also been on the one blocked out, judged, or put down.
This month I want to be an advocate for change- in the regular every day moments I have. Specifically when it comes to interacting with other women.
I want to encourage women I see at the gym who are working out. I want to smile at other women when I’m walking on campus and if I sit down next to one of them, ask them how their day is going. I want to listen— really listen when I ask women questions about their lives. I want to tell other female entrepreneurs or creatives why I value what they contribute to our field. I want to listen to and befriend more women of color whose experiences might be different from mine. And most importantly— I want the women around me to feel like they’ve been invited to a seat at the table— a seat everyone CAN sit at.
I thought it was ironic that Camila Cabello came out with her song “Real Friends” this past month. All she wants is some authentic, caring, real friends. And even though I’m not famous and questioning everyone’s motives for being friends with me. I get it. I think we all want that at some level. We want trust-worthy, encouraging, kind, and honest real friends. We want and oftentimes need someone to BE a real friend.
I wonder what would happen if we all gave some true friend love to the women around us? I wonder what deep rooted message we would communicate with a woman when we tell them they CAN sit with us?
TO ENTER THE GIVEAWAY:
To encourage you to reach out and encourage the awesome women in your own life, I’m giving away some valentine prints you can deliver to your friends yourself at a Galentine’s brunch or via snail mail! A little print to remind them they are kick’n butt at life.
For one entry: Comment on this post (via facebook) and tell me about a time when a woman reached out and befriended you and how that impacted you. Feel free to even tag her to let her know how much it meant to you.
For three entries: Share this blog post on Facebook and tag me, Stacie Stine, in your post!
Words for my life. Based on my enneagram nine.
This is a prayer. And a self-affirmation.
That I wouldn’t fall into busy-ness, but that I would seek out sweeter and deeper quiet. That I would work really really hard to be quiet in my mind… not numb or asleep to my feelings or circumstances.
That I would live life, and not laze through it.
I do not need to be extreme to function… I’m not a workaholic or a sloth. There is a healthy in between.
Work is good and I can work hard. I’m competent to do hard things in my personal and professional life.
Planning and boundaries are good and I put them into place for my benefit, not my detriment.
Turn off to-do lists and choose not to be overwhelmed by “should’s”.
Stand up and live life— even if it’s slower than how I think I should be living it.
Engage with and trust God.
Praying I wouldn’t fall into busy-ness, but that I would seek out sweeter and deeper quiet. That I would work really really hard to be quiet in my mind.
To turn off to-do lists and “should’s” and to really just sit and live life— even if it’s slower than how I think i should be living it. the most important part is that I’m living and trusting God.
P.S. These self-portraits of myself were taken about a week ago, before the snow, on a warm day at the Texas Tech Horticulture Garden. I’m wearing a Target cardigan, Madewell (similar here) Collared Shirt, thrifted black tie, and thrifted plaid skirt. My kneesocks are from Target and my shoes are Lotta from Stockholm.
P.P.S. If I can take such quality self-portraits, I’d love for you to consider hiring me as your photographer for life’s celebrations and jamborees. :)
Something about waking up to see the world draped in the whitest snow… I never wanted to stop looking out the window today.
While we weren’t walking around campus, Brett was studying for finals, I was therapeutically rearranging our kitchen and living room, and I watched Netflix’ Dumplin’ (and really loved it). There was a glass of eggnog in there somewhere.
A few days ago I got to meet my besties baby.
It’s Ambers first time having a human, so it was fun, weird, and joy-inducing to see it all firsthand.
When you’ve known someone almost 25 years of your life, and then all of a sudden they’ve got this human they are in charge of keeping alive, I’m not sure you see them in a new light, but you see them in an admirable light. You admire their courage to take on something so fragile and unknown.
Being a mom is admirable and hard.
I saw the tiredness in Amber’s eyes. Honestly, I heard the fear in her voice at times when she talked about what it feels like to be a mom. But through those two steady states, I saw her deep rooted love for Zoe the most. Love—- Something I noticed she wanted to describe during one of our conversations, but could almost find no words to portray it accurately (… maybe she couldn’t find the words because she’d been up the whole night before?). The love that reaches beyond tired eyes and confusing newborn baby cries. Love that actually casts out all fear.
It continually gives me bone shivers and soul tremors that the love Amber gives is sustained and provided by the One who sees beyond her unknowns and fears. The One whose rod and staff comfort her as she walks His path of righteousness. As a mom, He will give her rest in green pastures and lead her beside still waters. As a mom, He will show her what it’s like to care for and lead her own sheep.
And as for Amber and I, I believe he will lead our friendship through my own fears and anxieties too.
I was afraid of our relationship changing when she got pregnant. I was afraid our new normal would only consist of conversations revolving around babies, kids, parenting, cloth diapers, etc.
For two people who have walked the earth together for twenty-five years, I was afraid of being in two very different life stages for once. We’ve stumbled and struggled through middle school braces, high school drama (in the theatre and out of the theatre if you know what I mean), and similar college experiences. For the most part, we dated our husbands at the same time, got engaged in the same year, and got married within a year of each other. When you’ve lived such similar life paths, how do you relate when it feels like you started taking two very different paths?
Sometimes I think being a Christian means walking the path that’s in front of you, but being willing to interact with other people on paths that really don’t look like ours. Some Christians, I think, are actually pretty bad at this. Myself included at times. What does it look like to walk the entrepreneur/college spiritual mentor path when my best friend is walking the mom path? What does it look like for my best friend to walk the mom path while her daughter is only just beginning to exist in this world?
Maybe sometimes I will be sad that we aren’t necessarily on the same page any more. But maybe it means I get to be pumped for who Amber gets to be. Maybe it means we get to celebrate the two different humans we are becoming. Maybe two different life stages will continually remind us that no matter where we are, it’s more about Who we follow.